so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
