Are we in a gay sports bar?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
