I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
