Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
