i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
