i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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