how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
