to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I deserve this hangover.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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