Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
