Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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