What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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