just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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