Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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