dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
