Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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