she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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