she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
