YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Come see our sink grown plant.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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