either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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