when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
