I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
