Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
