I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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