I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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