im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
