i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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