Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
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