yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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