OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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