i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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