call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
