I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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