dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
