Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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