You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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