So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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