Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
