I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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