I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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