i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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