PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
