you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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