____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
