oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
