so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
