What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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