Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
