It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
