They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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