dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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