she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
