Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
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Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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