Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
