I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
