You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
