how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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