he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
