I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
