Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
