Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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