My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
