he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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