i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
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