he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
