I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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