Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
BRING THE BAGELS
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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