you turned your livingroom into a bong?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
