i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
