Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I love you. Go after that dick
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
