I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
