just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
