Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
