is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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