1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
