I bet he comes in French.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
