Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
