I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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