you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
