There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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