You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
