Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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